Epiphany
by Brianna Aisling
Summary: Epiphany-n-an illuminating discovery : a revealing scene or moment


Epiphany ~~~~~~~~  
  
Akane stood in the dojo's doorway. It was still charred and dirty, partially repaired, but with much work to go. 'What is wrong with all of us?' she asked herself silently. Weddings were supposed to be sacred. It was why she had fought the engagement so hard. Marriage was supposed to be between two people who loved each other. It was supposed to be a special day, not something born from the selfish desires of others. And it certainly shouldn't have been the massacre that had occurred a week ago.  
  
She had thought that night that she would have gone through with the marriage if no one had shown up, and maybe in the moment she would have, but then she'd started thinking and.she was glad it didn't happen. When she married Ranma, if she married him, it would be because she wanted it, because he wanted it, because they wanted it, and it would be beautiful. There would be no bombs and no bribes and no other brides. It would be him and her and the love that existed between them, not the angry resentment of being forced into something they weren't ready for.  
  
It seemed to be their way; she'd heard someone commenting that it seemed to be just like them. The thought had brought tears to her eyes. People expected bombs at her wedding? How sad was that? How pathetic?  
  
It was what they were though: all violence and destruction. She loved martial arts, cherished it, wanted to do it till the day she died, as most of them did, but...this...this was different. No matter how much they loved to fight, there were times and places where such behavior should not be allowed, where a person should not want to behave hat way. She had known that once. She respected it still when she went to her mother's grave, but other places had become fair ground to her. It wasn't right. He had made her angry and she had yelled at him, hurt and upset and disbelieving. She should have held her tongue and accepted it. If only on that day.  
  
The others though.... THEY were beyond belief. A steel katana? Bombs? A black wedding dress? She understood their desperation, but it wasn't right. Kuno she could ignore; he was insane by all rights. The girls however....  
  
Akane's face tightened. If Ranma had gone through with the wedding it would have been their answer. If he hadn't really wanted to get married, no force in the world would have made him. What right did they have to interrupt something that was sacred like that? To assume that they knew what went on in his heart? They had been reckless and disastrous and dangerous. They had no real reason to stop it. No real idea who he wanted. There were better ways besides. She could have understood had they spoken up during the ceremony or even grabbed Ranma and..  
  
She didn't know. And it didn't matter. What was done was done. No changing it, not now. Past was past and it would always remain past. She'd learned that the hard way when her mother had died. Another lesson forgotten then. Did she never learn?  
  
A sneer curled her lips. Ranma had had the wrong insult all this time. She wasn't uncute or a tomboy. No, she was a fool. Couldn't accept what was before her, tried to deny it all along, and what had it gotten her? A destroyed wedding. She, she who had held love and marriage as something sacred and powerful and not to be abused, was guilty of all the sins she abhorred. Life had a sense of humor. A sick, twisted sense of humor. Ranma had been the butt of its jokes so many times before and now it was her turn.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Movement caught her eye. She looked up to see Ryoga peering around, his face wrinkled in confusion.  
  
"Ryoga," she called. He turned, blinked, and blushed.  
  
"A-a-akane. How, I mean, what are you doing here?"  
  
She smiled sadly. "This is my home."  
  
"Oh. Is-is something wrong, A-akane?" She looked so sad and depressed to him. He watched her glance around. Finally she spoke.  
  
"Why do you fight with Ranma?"  
  
"What?" he asked, startled.  
  
"Why do you fight with Ranma?"  
  
He frowned angrily. "He ruined my life."  
  
"So?"  
  
He looked at her, startled once more. Then he frowned again, shifting his weight angrily. "I want revenge."  
  
"Why?"  
  
He stared at her without answering.  
  
"What good will it do? It won't get you back what you lost. It won't make the past go away. It won't make it hurt less. It doesn't change anything."  
  
Ryoga stared at her, uncomprehending. Akane gestured helplessly. She needed him to understand.  
  
"Once you beat him, you'll still have gone through everything you've been through. You won't be any different when you've gotten your revenge."  
  
"I'll be justified."  
  
"You'll be justified for spending all these years looking for him instead of living? Is that what you're doing? Seeking retribution? Or are you trying to keep from facing up to your past, your problems? Defeating Ranma doesn't mean anything!" she screamed. "Defeating him won't give you back all those years. It won't give you peace!" She stopped suddenly, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. Realization filled her features. That was it. That was what was wrong after all this time. She was seeking peace through the art, but it wasn't in the art, it was in her. Akane moaned, low and long, in understanding. Her eyes closed and she rocked back on her heels.  
  
"Of course," she whispered. "That's why." She laughed out loud and then hugged Ryoga in gratitude.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Foolish, so foolish. How young she was really, trying to be all grown up and fighting useless battles. Thinking she'd learned her lesson, thinking it was never her when it had always been her. Foolish, so foolish.  
  
Maybe this time would be it. Maybe this time she'd get it right. She'd have to start here, in herself. Where though? With what? There was so much within herself that she didn't understand. So much confusion. So much of growing up that she didn't understand. Her mother had left her with no guidance. She hadn't wanted it then. She'd been so young when it had happened. She hadn't even understood what had happened. Her mother had been gone and she'd cried everyday for her, needing her to come and hug her. Her sister had tried to comfort her.  
  
Sweet Kasumi, always trying to be there, but never really able to. She was angry that her mother had left with no help, no comfort, no one to tell her how she could be hurt, how unfair the boys would be, how she could protect herself. No one there to be there for her. She had to protect herself and to be there for herself. She was angry that she had no one, that they had all abandoned her. Her father lost to his own grief, only able to mourn whatever befell her and not to protect her, her sisters, trying so hard to keep the family together, no able to spare time, children in an adult world.  
  
She resented it and it made her so angry. And that was it. She was angry, at her mother and at herself and at her family and at him, because he had let her relax and then when she was finally getting comfortable, they had all come along and she'd been driven back and away and they'd come so close. They had kept her from letting her guard down, causing her to slam it up harder and higher than before and the anger was easier than the hurt but the hurt always was there anyways.  
  
She loved him. Simple. Loved for who he was and who he wasn't and because he made her safe. She couldn't let go of the anger though. It protected her and kept the real grief at bay because she couldn't love him and then lose him because she'd done it once and this time ignorance would not save her. 


End file.
